Is not Gold.
You may recall that 4 months ago I began a clinical trial at KU Cancer for my Leukemia. The trial was intended to test the efficacy of a gold compound approved by the FDA back in the 70’s for arthritis. In the lab, the drug had shown promising signs of killing leukemia cells.
You know me – I fully expected that this would be the wonder drug to cure my cancer. I could almost taste the miracle in the making.
Friday we needed to discontinue participation in the trial as the drug was no longer controlling my disease. For the past weeks my lymph nodes had expanded dramatically, and then my white blood count started to climb.
Was I disappointed? Definitely. Did it derail me? Absolutely not!
Being a Christian means being an eternal optimist. I do not understand those folks who always expect the worst in hopes that they will never be disappointed. If you try to avoid ever being disappointed by life, you will effectively be choosing not to live life. It is a choice you make every day – to live fully: expecting the best; expecting to be blessed.
So what does this mean for me? Well, the good news is that I’m staying on the gold drug for the time being, but it is being coupled with prednisone and that is having a dramatic impact. My lymph nodes are shrinking rapidly. An added benefit is that my participation in the trial provided researchers with 4 months of great data. This may be a blessing for someone else.
In the coming weeks we are going to have a few scans and then consult with the docs as to our options. We may repeat the monoclonal antibody treatment that worked so well for me four and half years ago.
What am I expecting? A miracle! I don’t know how it will come, but I’m already looking.
It was almost 10 years ago that I was diagnosed with this disease, and it has been an absolute blessing. It has made all the difference in my life: the experiences of life are more dear, the people in my life are more precious, and my relationship with God is more dynamic and rich.
It is just like the quote I shared in worship from the physician who was dying:
“The rest of life is the best of life. I used to talk about praying; now I pray. I used to tell my patients that I cared; but now I care. I used to tell my family, I love you, but now I go home at night and we sit by the fireplace and I tell my boys the dreams I have for them even though I’ll never see them fulfilled. I used to honor God, I used to go to church, but now I know God and I go with Him every step of the way.”
What’s the lesson from that terminally ill physician?
Don’t wait until your dying to figure out what it is to truly live!